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Scottish Charity Register No. SC043760

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Moving 'Em On

March 01 2020

Livestreamed from PC Wellbeloved’s consciousness, by Chris Sampson

Now, if the government wanted homeless people living in the doorways of shops that went out of business due to its policy of austerity, they’d have said so at the election, wouldn’t they, eh?

So, what’s he doing here? Look at him! Straggly beard, layers of ragged, food-stained clothes, probably host to a flea circus. Mental health issues? A fair bet; maybe he thinks he’s Napoleon? Or Mary Queen of Scots? Whatever. If he thinks he’s going to ponce loose change from that shop doorway he’s got another think coming.

Anyhow, we can’t have a dollop like that clogging up Her Majesty’s pavements and not fitting into the tone of the area, can we now? What if a valid, rich member of society should see? Or a snowflake dogooder? Them and their “help the homeless” malarkey, handing out loose change like confetti. Do they really think the homeless spend it on food? Booze and drugs more like.

And as for all their: “Why don’t you catch real criminals instead of harassing the homeless?” stuff, well, if you care so much, why don’t you put ‘em up in your spare room, eh?

If I had my way, I’d fill in the Channel Tunnel with the homeless and all the bleeding dole scroungers and… Stop! Calm down! I think this sort of thinking might be why the Sarge wants me to go on that course, “How To View The Homeless As People And Not Dehumanise Them As The Filthy Scum They Are”... something like that.

As for now, I suppose I’m going to have to move this Herbert on, out of that doorway. Can’t have a dollop like that clogging up Her Majesty’s pavements, can we now...?

Note: The views expressed in the stream of Officer Wellbeloved’s consciousness are not necessarily those of the Metropolitan Police

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