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Jill's story

August 01 2024

This is a moving story of a service user’s unique life journey of triumph over adversity and her fight to be heard. The story involves sensitive material some readers may find disturbing. Interview and accompanying words by Darren Harvey

My life was never an easy one. When I was born, my mother and father were ill-equipped to raise children. Consequently, I was taken away by authorities to a foster home. It was a sad fact my other three siblings, born later, had to endure the same fate. At this time, I never had a voice. I was too young to express what I needed. I was labelled a problem child. My behaviour was erratic and difficult to manage through the chaos I was born into. The only way I could express myself was through anger and emotion.

When I was eight, I endured physical, mental and sexual abuse at the hands of my foster parents. This experience became the defining point in my life towards an inevitable path of self-destruction. Some 40 years later, I am still unable to process what happened in my head.

Luckily, authorities were alerted and removed me from that environment, placing me up for adoption. My adoptive parents were the ones who saved me. I quickly called them my mum and dad because of the love they gave me. They always told me the story of how they chose me. Originally, they wanted two sons but when they saw a photo of me, they saw in my eyes a window to my soul and knew from then onwards that I was their daughter. Despite a very happy, stable and loving childhood with them, I was unable to escape the demons of my past.

I blamed myself a lot of the time for what had happened to me in foster care and isolated myself from others as a way of protecting myself. If dad had known I was taking drugs, it would have broken his heart. However, I started taking heroin and crack cocaine as a way of coping with my mental health issues. The relationship I had with my partner was abusive and violent, culminating in me seeking refuge and becoming homeless. I became an alcoholic to dull the pain and make me forget my problems temporarily. As a result, my health and appearance declined to such a degree that I saw myself in the mirror one day knowing exactly where life was going to take me: to an early grave. It was then that I heard my inner voice telling me to snap out of it before it was too late and I became determined to change and love myself more. It was this pivotal moment in my life where I was being heard by my own voice.

In 2017, I entered a supportive accommodation project for people suffering from multiple mental health issues in Wolverhampton. From day one, I had a voice and staff listened to me. I felt reassured speaking to experienced staff members who had overcome similar struggles themselves. The accommodation project also employed a retired priest in the day centre who never preached, but listened, reassured and gave me hope.

The Solace Community has given me the chance of being heard. It has helped me address my anger issues through having someone there to talk to day or night, giving me self-belief. Over seven years, this has enabled me to move from the main hostel towards semi-independent living within the project, where life is the best it has ever been.

We often lack the confidence and self-esteem to communicate and be heard. But everyone residing in the hostel has a unique story to tell of their pain and struggles that has brought them to this point in their lives. It is important to talk about it and places like the Solace Community are there to support and successfully guide you into independent living. 

In sharing my story with the Pavement readers, I would like it to inspire others to turn their bad life experiences into something positive. I never thought I could do it, but there is a support network out there for you that will listen, advise and help you.


Support

Jill’s story details struggles with substance abuse and trauma. If you have experienced similar difficulties and are looking for support, try these services.

  • Drinkline is England’s national alcohol helpline. Call the free helpline on 0300 123 1110 weekdays 9am – 8pm, weekends 11am – 4pm
  • With You provides a range of support for people with alcohol, drugs and mental health issues in Scotland through local services or online. Visit the website to find a service that suits you here: www.wearewithyou.org.uk/advice-and-information
  • Refuge is a UK domestic abuse organisation for women. Contact for free, 24/7, on 0808 2000 247 in England, or call 0800 027 1234 in Scotland.

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August – September 2024 : Being Heard

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